Captain Stinkbeard and the Very Polite Thanksgiving Feast
Captain Stinkbeard wants this year's Bumbleshire Thanksgiving Feast to be the most polite feast in the history of the seven seas, so the crew practices napkins, fancy bows and a strict no-burping rule. It all goes gloriously wrong, and the one guest nobody remembered to say hello to shows them what good manners really look like. A funny 6-minute Thanksgiving story about manners, gratitude and making everyone welcome for kids ages 4–8.
- Ages
- 4–8
- Read time
- 6 min
- Narrated
- Yes
It was nearly time for the big Bumbleshire Thanksgiving Feast, and Captain Stinkbeard had an announcement.
He climbed onto a barrel on the deck of The Salty Pickle and tapped a turnip like a microphone.
"THIS YEAR," he boomed, "we shall host THE MOST POLITE FEAST IN THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN SEAS!"
Blinky Banana put his hand up.
"Do we still get pie?"
"POLITE pie," said the captain.
"Is that different?"
"Very."
(It was not.)
So the fancy-manners training began.
Lesson One: Napkins.
"A napkin goes on your lap," said Stinkbeard.
Blinky folded his into a pointy pirate hat and put it on his head.
"But it's SO handsome up here."
Soon the whole crew wore napkin hats. Even the captain.
Lesson Two: The Fancy Bow.
Sir Wobbleton bowed low over the table.
He wobbled forward.
And forward.
And a bit more forward than he meant to.
SPLOOSH.
Face first into the gravy boat.
"Lovely gravy," he bubbled. "A touch warm on the nose."
Lesson Three: No Burping At The Table.
Everyone turned slowly to Princess Burple.
"Not even a teeny royal one?"
"Not even a teeny royal one."
Princess Burple puffed out her cheeks.
"Fine. I shall hold them ALL in."
Lesson Four: Say "pardon me" a lot.
They did.
Too often.
At last it was Feast Day.
The table was piled with roast pumpkin, buttery corn, mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce shaped like an anchor.
The guests arrived.
"Pardon me, after you," said Sir Wobbleton to Blinky.
"No, pardon ME, after YOU," said Blinky.
"Pardon BOTH of you," said Princess Burple, through very round cheeks.
"PARDON EVERYBODY!" shouted Stinkbeard.
Nobody moved.
A seagull on the railing fell asleep.
Finally everyone squeezed through at once.
CRUNCH.
Then Stinkbeard gave thanks.
"Thank you to the sea. Thank you to my left boot. Thank you to my right boot, which is slightly less smelly..."
The mashed potatoes went cold.
The gravy grew a skin.
"...thank you to the letter Q..."
GRRRROWL went Blinky's tummy.
Princess Burple had been holding in burps for three whole days.
"Captain," she squeaked. "I can't..."
BWAAAAAAARP!
Every napkin hat blew off.
One pea rolled the whole length of the table and plopped into the sea.
Stinkbeard went red right up to his eyebrows.
"PRINCESS! That was the LEAST polite..."
Then somebody giggled.
A small somebody.
At the far end, on a coil of rope, sat a little girl called Tilly. She'd come up last, and there was no chair left. She was holding a squashed loaf of bread.
"That was the best burp I ever heard," she said.
Then, more quietly, "I made this. I wasn't sure I was allowed to come."
Sir Wobbleton paused, mid-wobble.
"Did anybody," he said slowly, "say hello to her?"
Nobody had.
They had all been too busy pardoning.
Captain Stinkbeard put down his turnip.
"Hello, Tilly. I'm very sorry. We forgot the most important bit."
He carried his own big captain's chair, squishy cushion and all, down to her.
Then, to the princess: "And I'm sorry I shouted. It was a magnificent burp."
"You're forgiven," said Princess Burple. "If I get the first slice of pie."
Tilly sat in the big chair. Her feet didn't reach the floor.
"Thank you for the chair," she said.
That was her whole speech.
Stinkbeard wiped his eye.
"Short," he said. "Very short. Hmm. BRILLIANT."
So they did it Tilly's way. One true thank-you each.
"Thank you, pie," said Blinky.
"Thank you for letting me be me," said Princess Burple, and did one tiny burp. A polite one.
"Thank you for coming," said the captain. "All of you."
Tilly broke her squashed bread into pieces so everyone got some.
Was it the most polite feast in the history of the seven seas?
Probably not.
There was gravy on the mast.
But everybody had a seat, and nobody said "pardon me" for the rest of the night.
Except Sir Wobbleton.
Who bowed into the pie.
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Meet the Characters
Common Questions
What age is Captain Stinkbeard and the Very Polite Thanksgiving Feast for?
Is it a good story to read before Thanksgiving dinner?
Is this a story about the history of Thanksgiving?
Is there a lot of burping in it?
Do we need to read the other Captain Stinkbeard stories first?
How long does it take to read?
What Kids Learn
- ✓Good manners are about how people feel, not about doing everything the fancy way
- ✓Saying hello and making room at the table for someone is one of the kindest things you can do
- ✓A short thank-you you really mean beats a long speech
- ✓How to say sorry after snapping at a friend, and how to forgive a friend who says sorry
- ✓A feast can still be lovely when the gravy ends up on the mast
Parents Corner
Fair warning: this one is silly. Napkin hats, a face full of gravy and a burp held in for three whole days, so expect giggles and probably a few burp impressions. Underneath, it pokes gentle fun at manners that are all about looking right. The crew is so busy saying pardon me that nobody notices little Tilly sitting on a coil of rope with no chair, and it takes a giggle from her to make them look up.
It's a nice one to read before a big Thanksgiving dinner, especially if your child is worried about table rules or about being the new face at someone else's table. I also like that the captain says sorry to Princess Burple for shouting, and she forgives him (for a price: the first slice of pie). Afterwards you could try Tilly's way at your own table: one short, true thank-you each. Some of them will be about pie. That's fine.
